Inner battles

2011-10-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

What happened to me
What happened to you
What happened to us

2011-09-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

Hi.Hello.Hey.

Time check 3.15AM. My brain is rapidly processing/churning out thoughts about what I've to say. What do I have to say? A lot actually.

So I guess I'll stick to reflecting on how things have been going for me. We are already 3/4 through the year. It's amazing how fast life progresses whenever you are busy. Now that I finally have more free time on my hands,I feel so restless. I annoy myself to no end sometimes. I feel the constant need and urge to be doing something,but when I start to push/force myself everything just backfires. I suppose I'm just so afraid of feeling stagnent,I never ever want to be stuck in that rut again.

Anyway, this year has been nothing short of amazing for me. It is a year full of progress and changes. I like to have change in my life, I can't stand being stuck in an environment or doing the same things repeatedly. Mindless routines really smother me. I've really made a lot of progress, be it as an indiviual or as a '__________'

I've yet to find a label for myself.
An artist? Nah sounds too prim and proper
A doodler? Nah Doesn't really have a nice ring to it

A free spirited human bean sounds pretty good though, but I haven't been that free-spirited for the past few weeks, but things are better now. I've just got to find ways to liberate my mind and find my moment of Zen. ohmmmmmmmmm.

On the upside I've realised that I've relatively good emotional control, I don't easily show my emotions/thoughts to others, which is a pretty good thing, except to JS, when it comes to expressing my emotions it is just so easy to tell him everything and how I feel. I'm indeed extremely lucky to have a lover like this.

I have also realised that the older I get, the more I crave for silence and solitude. But of course just like everything in life it is necessary to strike a balance. Excessive noise seriously irks me to no end. I'm actually happy being who I am now, no doubt there will always be those moments of negativity and self doubt, but at least i'm loads happier with who I am now as compared to the past.

I like keeping to myself and I'm happy being that way. I've always thought that there's a certain social stigma associated with being quiet, that's just silly. There's nothing wrong with keeping my mouth shut when I've nothing to say.

Reports are worse than maths.

2011-08-15T10:51:00.000-07:00

Everytime I've to write a report,I die a little deep inside.

Reports,dozens of pages filled with long-winded redundant information that nobody ( or at least 99%) will give two flying fucks about. Damn it, just summarize everything in less than 5 pages and get on with life. There's so much more things out there to do than to sit down and write a damn report. I pity the trees that were butchered just for the sake of being part of a fucking report that nobody bothers to read.

I do not see the point in having so many pages in a report. NOBODY bothers to read it word-for-word, our eyes just skim though the information. Can't we just draw a picture, tabulate a chart and save these trees (and my time).

Writing reports are like a mental torture for me, I can feel the my brain cells being fried one by one. The free-spirited spirit (hurhur) in me screaming in agony, my chest tightening as I struggle to even understand what is going on. Reports are the best way to kill creativity.

I can't even begin to describe how much i abhor writing reports. Plus, you know what is the icing on the cake? Having to write a report on something that is totally redundant and not beneficial to me AT ALL.

Yeah actually that is the main point. Doing redundant things. That is one thing I absolutely hate doing. It's pathetic, I've spent 3 years writing so much redundant information just in exchange for a piece of paper ( a.k.a My Diploma)

I'd rather film for 24 hours straight and photoshop 50 posters than to do a fucking report. I'm not exaggerating that's how much I hate writing these kind of corporate-ish reports.

Sometimes I question myself, Would I have still chosen this course if I were to have a second choice. Frankly speaking, I've no idea. Taking my friends and classmates out of the picture, there's nothing much that i've gained from this course.However, I would give credit when credit is due, and I've got to say that doing so much of what i hate has really made me realise how important it is to do something that I really love in the future.

The second thing that I'm really thankful for it's that through a lecturer I got to know about Tisch. I've been really thankful for that opportunity. Really fucking thankful. Things have changed so much for me ever since. I've really learnt so much there, not just knowledge about films but also life lessons. I can safely say that I've learnt much more there in the 3 months as compared to 2 years in school.

As much as I'm ranting now, i'm still extremely thankful for what I have now. Though on the downside, this course pretty much suck stinky moldy balls.But at least I've got awesome classmates and at a couple of lecturers that have helped me out quite a bit and for that I'm really grateful.

2011-06-29T01:11:00.000-07:00

Silence

2011-05-31T11:40:00.000-07:00

I like being quiet. I don't see the point in talking so much when I've nothing better to say. I like being quiet. That's me. I love the silence. I love the solitude. I love the ringing in my ears when things get too quiet.I love the stillness of the night.I love immersing myself in my own thoughts. My own fleeting thoughts. I love the dead of the night, when ironically it is the only part of the day when I feel the most alive. I love the musky scent of the night air. The night is when I close my eyes, and feel that anything is possible. Anything. A zombie apocalypse ( still believe that it might still happen someday, zombies > Aliens any day ),attending Cannes, anything you name it.

The darkness does not scare me. Apart from the fact that I can't see shit ( I've mild night blindness). It is up to us to search for the meaning of our existence. I can confidently say that I've found what I wanted to do after 18 years. The passion burns in the deepest pits of my heart. I've never felt so alive. These days I'm probably running on passion alone ( and the occasional cussing and swearing). Passion to override the exhaustion of the late nights. Passion to ease the burden of juggling several projects at once.

Passion it is a wonderful wonderful thing/chemical(?). It awakens up a part of you that you never knew existed. It is like passion is the fuel that revs us up, like the surge of nicotine to a seasoned smoker,like the gush of blood bulleting down South to a testosterone filled youth who discovered Jizzhut for the first time.

If there's no passion, there won't even be love in the first place.

2011-05-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

I struggle and struggle. What am I struggling so hard for? It seems like what I'm doing its going down the drain. Life always like to hurl shit everytime sometime seems to go on right for me. Nothing is ever easy. Nothing.

2011-04-05T12:51:00.000-07:00

School is reopening in 2 weeks, and it feels so surreal that i'm going to be in my final year. My future scares me, I really can't see anything ahead at all.I know what I want to do, I know my dreams, I just don't know how to get there.

Recently, I've been accepted into a 2 month long future film workshop in TISCH School of the Arts. When I got there I was flabbergasted seriously. The facilities, the teachers, the students it is seriously an eyeopener.

The facilities are seriously A++++ with a shiny golden star to add on to that. Well firstly,there are yoga mats provided for students to sleep and some students were even having a quick shut-eye on the leather couches. I know lying on the couches to sleep is nothing much haha but providing yoga mats for the students to sleep that's damn brilliant!

Secondly, there are iMacs everywhere!!!There are iMacs at the lounging area for the students to entertain themselves with. Even at the service counter,the opening and closing hours are displayed on an iMac. I'm not being a mountain tortoise, but seriously, the amount of iMacs there are astounding.

I really love the environment there though, it is really relaxing. But I think their workload should be crazy though that's why it is important to have a conducive environment. The teachers are really friendly, I saw Randy Jackson's doppleganger. Everybody there is so friendly, almost 90% of the students I've encountered smiles at you. LIKE WOWWWW. HAHA OK FUCK I REALLY DO SOUND LIKE A MOUNTAIN TORTOISE. BUT SERIOUSLY. I can safely say this is the first time i've encountered people who are so friendly. Usually when you're outside and a stranger smiles at you it's usually under these circumstances

1)Salesperson
2) Salesperson
3) Salesperson
4) Genuinely friendly person

You get what I mean right? Actually I realise that Singaporeans ( including me ) have this mentality usually when a stranger smiles at them in their minds they'll be like " Siao ah, why is that person smiling at me" Hahaha quite funny actually when you think about it. It's not that we are unfriendly/arrogant, it's just that we like minding our business. Singaporeans lead a hectic lifestyle there is no doubt about that, it is hard to slow down and take a breather with such a fast pace of life.

Anyway I digress, TISCH is a really liberal school. I guess this stems from the fact that it is originally from New York. Me and my friends saw brochures about tips on safe gay,lesbian and bisexual sex lying around. It was pretty fun to read though.
Fun Fact: New York University's Health centre offers free condoms in the choices of lubricated/non-lubricated to their students, they also offer free lubricants ( in the choices of silicon based/water based) too.

But I wonder will anybody go and redeem these "freebies". Imagine this scenario

Mood: Awkward

Boy: Hi may I have a free condom please? * Insert Accent :__Brit Accent___*
Nurse: Oh would you like them lubricated or non-lubricated?
Boy: Erm...lubricated please

- Awkward Silence as Nurse rummages drawer

And well the awkwardness just continues.....

Maybe it's just me, feeling the awkwardness.I'm wondering in such a scenario would Singaporeans choose awkwardness or would they rather buy their own protection?

Why does this post feel so awkward........ I blame it on the fact that i've not been blogging for 4 months. My minds are clogged full of thought feels good to be penning my thoughts down again.

Anyway it's 5 now , really need some sleep damn badly so byeee.

Revived

2011-03-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, in life the only person whom you can rely on is yourself. Expectations brings about disappointment.That's why sometimes don't expect too much from others, but do have sky high expectations for yourselves.

2010-12-27T10:30:00.000-08:00

Our loneliness will swallow us up.
Gobble us whole.

2010-12-23T04:29:00.000-08:00

Gonna be 18 in exactly 3.5 hours. Damn. Am seriously having mixed feelings.

2010-12-19T11:56:00.000-08:00

If all the thoughts in my mind could add on to my weight, i would be obese now. One week out of my precious 3 weeks has past.... i didnt do anything much, next week i'll be super busy. Left with the last week which would be filled with school work and projects. Wanna stab myself now. haha I like being busy , I want to do a stop mo video this hols, but till now i've no idea what i want to do. arghhh infuriating i swear. I've been stuck in Singapore for 7 years. NOT COOL. haha have to get the fuck out next year

Super excited for tomorrow gonna pierce my labret hhehehe, wont bother hiding this time already

2010-12-08T04:42:00.000-08:00

Two more days left, 3 more weeks of holidays and there 'll only be 2 more months left before i'm a 3rd year student. Time flies so fucking fast that everyday is like a rush. Especially during school hours, a rush of deadlines, a rush to get to school on time. It's only when the weekends and holidays come when the days come to a slower pace. I do enjoy going to school though, just not this semester. Got sooo much plans for the holssss exciting.

2010-12-05T03:41:00.000-08:00

I honestly cant wait for the holidays to come. To get out of school. Fuck school totally suck balls this semester. Definitely the worst semester ever

Clamped up

2010-11-18T09:46:00.000-08:00

Fuck sometimes i just feel like shutting myself up from everybody else. Just behind my own walls away from the world. The next holidays i would want to spend more time in my room. Just cooped up at home watching shows, doodling doing all the things i love. There are not many things that I would say that I love, and those things that i do really matter a lot to me. Away from all the hectic schedules, deadlines and all that bullshit. I would really fucking like to spend some time alone.

The older i get, the more i feel that actually simplicity is in fact one of the best things that can happen to one. Sure some people might say that being simple = being boring, but when you live a simple life it's all the small little things that you find happiness in.That form of happiness in my opinion is the best kind of happiness around.

With all the mind-fuck that comes with the media nowadays we tend to overlook the fact that if we look hard enough actually happiness is in the form of bits and pieces in our life. Isn't that more of a better life than a life full of glitz and glamour, parties and all?

Sometimes when I think about life and all, it gets kinda scary. We are all like mere specks of matter in this vast universe.There's like so much more out there that has yet to be seen, yet to be learnt.

Being human is hard, you've got to deal with so much emotions, sadness, grief, anger, bitterness and the list goes on and on. It gets overwhelming at times. I wonder how much capacity does our heart have. You might be happy at once, sad moments later, happy again and filled with bitterness before you know it.

I wont say that the whole human population is fucked up that's being too pessimistic. But sometimes emotions just makes you feel so fucked up. Doubts and insecurities too.

But emotions makes us feel alive though, the awful feeling of somebody pinching your heart when you feel sadness, the euphoria that gushes through you along with your rapid pumping heart, the bitterness that lives in a deep dark corner of our heart, It makes us feel alive. Makes us feel human.

I just feel so lost at times, like i've yet to find a reason for my existence. Hahaha i know it sounds fucking dramatic. Like i feel like i'm just floating around like a dust speck, high up in the clouds when i'm happy, down when i'm sad. I just feel lost.

Maybe i've yet to find my dreams? Maybe it's our dreams that anchor us down, keeps us from feeling so down? I don't know.

Life is seriously so unpredictable at times, it's like a woman's mood swings. One moment all Psm-y and shit. The next all chirpy and jumpy.

Fuck i hate my brain.I hate thinking so much and so far out. But when I don't think so much, i find life meaningless and empty. Okay i'm just kidding i like thinking, it just gets overwhelming at times. You really don't know what would happen at the next moment.

It's like finding your way through a dark labyrinth. You never know what might spring out at you at the next moment, it might be the grim reaper it might be cupid. I guess we really dont know until it happens.

ahhh i feel much better now . life rocks. I'm kidding. This is pretty much like a ranting post. I'm contradicting myself half the time haha but on a whole life is good now though. Not awesome, but it's pretty good. Awesome on some days, blah on some. And this is like one of the rare posts that isn't sprinkled with all the hahas and hahahas that i've a habit of using wayyy too much.

2010-11-17T06:40:00.000-08:00

I;m fucking overwhelmed by everything now. Have been thinking of the future, idk everything just seems bleak. I know what I want, but for now my skills are just not good enough. And it seems like i've made no improvement. I feel fucking awful now.

2010-11-14T03:28:00.001-08:00

www.mentalreverie.tumblr.com

Just a side project i'll be back soon. I promiseeee, pink swear, cross my heart, hope to die, i hope my cheating heart wont make me cry

30 days

2010-10-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

Okay think i'm gonna embark on a 30 days challenge. haha okay so bascially i must post up drawings, pictures whatever haha for 30 days. Any theme and all. And if the photos has been posted before, it must be edited in a different way or look different? haha okay kinda excited actually. So if there's any comments,feedback or whatsoever, feel free to leave a comment.

P.s I'm still contemplating between tumblr or blogger. Advantages of blogger, not too bad looking layout. Downside, pictures small like one ant. Upside of tumblr, BIGASS pictures. Downside, layout fucking ugly.

P.p.s K now my tumblr doesnt look so ugly anymore haha so how how how haha i think i just post both ways ah, nvm shall watch vamp diaries first and make my decision later.

Nobody ever knows

2010-10-06T12:37:00.000-07:00

"We visit others as a matter of social obligation. How long has it been since we have visited with ourselves?"
Morris Adler

The silence that kills, the silence that heals. Late nights they come with a price, at it's best you get silence. Blissful golden silence to escape into my own thoughts. Something that I cant get in the day. At it's worst, silence it brings your inner battles to a crescendo, ironical isn't it? The stillness of the night it brings about heightened emotions. Panic, insecurities, sadness, anger, frustration, the emotions and thoughts that you're trying to suppress with your daily activities. The things that you've always had a restraint over just comes gushing out at the dead of the night. There nothing you can do to stop it, the only remedy is sleep.

At times when I can't control my emotions, I really wish that my sleeping hours aren't so fucked up. I just wish that I can just drift off to slumber and wake up to a new day.

The next best alternative is to cry. Crying it allows our body to release endorphins. Happy hormones that calms our raging emotions down.

2010-10-05T13:32:00.000-07:00

So my grades turned out pretty crappy, or really crappy i should say. I cant continue on with dip plus. Pretty sad huh, O well guess i should just try and get over it then. Hopefully the next few modules are the technical ones haha then i guess im not losing out so much. I had pretty decent grades though for both scriptwriting and history of film though. Got a 3.5 for both modules, pretty surprising considering that i handed in my essay a few days late. Fuck and if im nt wrong i paid the entire fee for everything gna check with my mum tomorrow. Cbbb dont even know how to tell her FML

2010-10-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

-Have this fucking random urge to write in my diary. Cant find it. Hiding place fail.

- Haha I ALWAYS have this crazy compulsive urge to clean up my room at ungodly hours. Like there'll be a sudden transformation from slob to anal retentive bitch.

-I have to read more, read more, read more, read more. Fucking miss reading. I'm currently read The Alchemist. It's interesting, yet not interesting enough to captivate my attention for the whole day. After Harry potter, I swear there's no other book that can work it's magic on me as strongly as Jk rowling did.

A part of me misses writing. Not the kind that i do in school, like on news articles and all that. I miss all the compositions that we have to do in secondary school. Its like writing on a weekly/fortnightly basis, and it's kinda fun actually as compared to doing some Amaths sums or whatever. I used to like writing topics like abuse etcetc. It's like you can think of some sob story to write about. HAHA i just looked at my old compo haha cannot take it fucking drama HAHA an example from my sec 2 compo. I've kept it throughout these years, it's like my favorite piece. hahaha dramatic sia bth.

His voice shook and his eyes were shining with tears. His eyes were warm and brown unlike the cold dark ones I had seen. Strong emotions surged through me, I felt my eyes burn up. 'Dad!' I croaked.

hahaha see what I mean!! hahah then i still remember in chinese compo everybody always use Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua. Fucking cliche hahaha the starting part also always the same, Jing Tian feng he re li. Bet the chinese O level markers saw hundreds of xiao ming and xiao huas.

Mental mess

2010-09-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

Sleep: 5 AM

Wake up: 3-5 PM

- Carries on with life -

2-5 AM: Doing the rain dance. K i kid.

I hardly see the sun during the holidays. I'm a night person through and through.
To me sleeping > eating.
Mental blockage still there, I used to be able to feel more last time.
Maybe its the sadness and emptiness. Anguish, it always makes your emotions come alive. Whereas happiness it just blocks out emotions and thoughts, makes you more oblivious to them. Maybe that's why all artists are all depressed and sad, heck, even JK rowling was inspired to write Harry Potter due to her depression.

2010-09-22T13:51:00.000-07:00

Se7en

2010-09-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

Just finished watching seven and I'm soooo totally creeped out, it's a fucking awesome movie. One of the best thriller movies I've ever seen. Basically it's about this killer who kills 7 people based on the 7 sins- envy,lust,sloth, gluttony,pride, wrath and greed.

Ahh the plot is awefully dark and twisted. Especially when it comes to how every move and every crime is carefully executed. And the way it's carried out it's like fuckkkk. Seriously a mind blowing movie am feeling a little disturbed now and slightly sickened. But it is indeed intriguing how a psycho's mind work. In fact there's this test that is allegedly used by psychologists to determine whether somebody is psychotic or not. But there's no scientific proof though here's how it goes

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him
to be just that! She fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number
and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

Ans: since that guy came to the mum's funeral she was hoping that he would. Ome to the sister's funeral too
Haha believe it or not it's also up to you

Anyway back to the movie, another interesting thing about it is kinda like saw where the people who were tortured were not just for some sick mindless pleasure . Like the innocent Are left alone just the fucked up ones are targeted. It is as if the murderer is trying to play god., deciding who deserves to die and who doesn't. But this movie is definately worth a watch . And just as an extra push, brad Pitt is one of the main leads.

Answer:

2010-09-18T15:42:00.001-07:00

hiiiiii haha it's gna be 7 and I'm not asleep yet. Haha I'm feeling damn happy now I don't know what for though ahhhh. Gshank fucking miss you la cb don't know how many donkey years never see you already can't Fucking wait for Monday ultimate movie marathon day. Niceeeee.

2010-09-16T05:07:00.000-07:00

downloading a shit load of movies cant wait to be cooped up at home all day hahaa

2010-09-09T16:28:00.000-07:00

Inspiration strikes
Every stroke
Every note
It's like a wordless quote

6.51 AM

2010-09-09T15:47:00.000-07:00

It's breaking dawn
melodies fill the air
The early bird gets the worm
I'm never early
But always too late
The sandman has most probably left
That cb Kia
His magical dust is supposed to put me to sleep
Yet I'm sneaking peeps through my batting eyelids
The apple in my hand
Is distracting me from sleep
Fuck my life I say
I didn't face this shit in May

HAHAHAHAHA. I'm serious by the way. Dead serious.

2010-09-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

Uncertainty it engulfs
Doubts how they drown
Insecurities it teases
The resounding silence
The hollow void in your heart
The hollow void that tears you apart
Everything seems so distant
Yet still in sight

Muffled voices and lingering shadows
Shadows that haunt you in the dark
Just like the familiar flashbacks in your heart

Listless

2010-09-09T15:23:00.000-07:00

Sleepless nights
Restless eyes
Thoughts pound
Dying to flutter
Dreams die
Hope arrives
We sing
We laugh
In a bid to forget
Those tiresome times

Future

2010-09-05T13:58:00.000-07:00

The future. It scares us all. It's like this blank canvas and slowly every little detail is etched with every decision we make until the big picture is formed. I'm very sure for now about what I want, but sometimes I cant help but to doubt myself.

I want to be in the advertising industry next time, I want to come up with ideas, help with the designing. This holidays I think I want to hone up on my photoshop and drawing skills. I realise that there's nothing in which im really particularly good at. It's like everything I do just looks kinda amateurish, I guess i really lack the practice. I cant wait for the next semester to start everything sounds interesting and i really hope it would be

Awkwardness

2010-09-05T13:10:00.000-07:00

I think I really am very bad with words. Be it verbally or when it comes to writing. Nowadays, i feel like there's something inside me that has changed yet I cant seem to pinpoint what it is. It's like this tune that's stuck in your head and yet you cant seem to recall the title of it, that kinda thing.
I can't seem to organise my thoughts well, everything's like fluttering in my head. I dont know what's going on, I hope its the exams that's causing all this.

I dont know why i always sound like I have mental issues.... Shrink's number anybody?

Verbally I am like a female Michael Cera when it comes to strangers MINUS 939384792374 of his adorableness, the speed of which his eyes make your heart melt and his ability to make all girls " Awwwww I want such an awkward geek as a boyfriend. And i look less like a duck as compared to him.

So in short, I am really just an awkward teenager who just can't seem to find the right words. An awkward teenager with biological clock issues. Hurhur.

List of movies to watch

2010-09-05T12:14:00.000-07:00

1. Fight Club
2. Star wars
3.Where the wild things are
4. Pan's labyrinth
5. Matrix ( hahaha i think i must be like one of the few people who has yet to watch this)
6.Schindler's List
7. Silence of the lambs
8.Man on wire
9.Suicide club
10. Zodiac

Ah fuck i should totally start studying fuckkkk. Cant wait for the hols to come!!

2010-09-04T10:44:00.001-07:00

feel like total fucking crap now.

5.30 am

2010-08-29T14:30:00.001-07:00

Fuck in can't sleep fuck fuck fuck I don't usually have sleeping problems fuckkk. You know I realized that everytime before I sleep and am in a groggy state silly thoughts always run through my head . I wish I'm not such a worry wart sometimes urghhh. Sigh . The thoughts always seem so much worst when you are in bed. Like it's all amplified in your head. Fuck I used to think people who have sleeping problems are like damn pitiful fucking sucks to be sleep deprived. I'd rather starve , at least I can still dream about food. Sleep used to come so easily to me but these few days my biological clock is back to bring fucked . And I dot know why but I feel stupider nowadays also I have no fucking idea why. Fuck I sound damn dumb saying that Wtf . K the weather seems nicer now gonna try sleeping now

2010-08-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

"Rain turns the sand into mud

Wind turns the trees into bone

Stars turning high up above
You turned me into somebody loved"

Stress relief

2010-08-23T14:02:00.001-07:00

Up all night got a fucking report to write. While Js is snoring on the floor, i'm slogging my guts out on the report. NOT. Gotta really fucking start now. FUCKING STRESSED UP NOW. and hungry. And tired. Not a good combination.

Mew - Snow brigade

2010-08-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

Fucking orgasmic.
Whoaaaa if only i can see them live. fuckkk.

Confession

2010-08-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

When i was sorting through all my songs today i realised i used to really have this fucked up mindset. I used to think that the less well known the bands/ songs are the better it is, that i realised that this thinking is really damn fucked up and immature actually. Not saying that the songs aren't good either, but the most important thing is that as long as the songs are nice that's the main thing, not how well known the band/ singer is. I guess i have become a lot mature in this aspect and really came to realise how childish this mind set is. Haha i suppose i was being a total kid back then.

I suppose sometimes people has this mindset that by listening to less well known stuffs this makes them more unique that kinda thing. But in my opinion , I have came to realise that music isn't some sort of medium to show off how unique or cool you are, its just something thought provoking and inspiring.Something to occupy my mind when things get a little too silent , or to soothe those inner battles that's raging on in my head. Sometimes it's just to block my ears from the endless banter of the commuters on the train or it just kinda pushes my mind back to my thoughts where I just retreat into my own little world.

When i listen to songs on the train, i'll think about what i want to achieve in my life, what i want for the future. I'll take a look at the surrounding commuters ( especially the adults ( Esp the grumpy looking ones)) and think to myself i will not allow myself to become part of the mindless, dreamless masses. I don't want to be part of the crowd when i am an adult grudgingly thinking about my unfulfilled dreams and goals. Resigning myself to the fate of getting some boring ass job and waking up for the morning commute. HAHA for all i know, somebody out there might be looking at me and saying the same thing in their head.

And yes, I've digressed. I've always believe that a dreamless person is really a sad person. True story. ( sorry for the HIMYM meme couldn't help it having some withdrawal symptoms, and some Big bang theory withdrawal symptoms too)

Whoa this is like the first seriously personal post i've written in months. Oh and on more thing, having said all that , there are some songs that are still crap.But its just a personal opinion thing.

Nothing

2010-08-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

I'm throughly exhausted now, and yet another night goes by with nothing accomplished.

Love at it's best

2010-08-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

haha today is my parents' 22nd anniversary and that's damn long! 2 decades together, its kinda amazing how 2 people can stick it through for decades, while others just split up after months.

Now that i can say that i've been in love in my own terms , it's truly overrated yet underrated. Overrated because of the way its portrayed, all the dramas, 80% of songs, love is just any other over-used word in our life.
Underrated because the true feeling of being in love, you wont understand how it feels like unless you have been in it yourself, and words will just fail you. But it is indeed a wonderful feeling.
It erases your emptiness. It brings out the best and worst in you.
The future is ever changing, 20 years down the road i might still be together with Js,or we might be leading our own lives with somebody else, but im sure that both of us would look back and say" Fuck it, everything was worth it". And im really sure about this.

Half of a pair

2010-08-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

Fml my blog is like becoming some kinda cats galore.
Anyway recently theres like been a blockage to my thoughts, i just cant seem to think anymore. Fuck. Theres a mind blockage of some sort and it really suck monkey balls. Hope it really goes away soon. And i realised that i have a lot of posts saved as drafts. Most of it it's because i just cant find the words to fill this empty space. Usually on the bus, on the train, i always have the words so well rehearsed in my head. But when it comes to typing it out, its like though everything has been erased from my mind.

It feels good to blog though haha, a kinda mental release.

Recently, my grades have been like shit i'm barely passing 2 of my modules. It's time to buck up, this hols, dont wanna fucking repeat any shit.

Tablet

2010-07-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

Heyyy baby are you surprised? hahaha yeah this is a reward for studying hard <3

2010-07-10T05:32:00.000-07:00

Pussies

2010-06-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

i dream everyday. It gets really tiring at times actually, I always feel like im not sleeping enough. I'm more of a dog person then a cat person actually haha, i like clingy pets. Oh there's like this cat at the bottom of my block, he ( i assume, ahha i get the he vibes) is like a dog stuck in a cat's body , it'll follow you all around everywhere, and will even follow back to your doorstep, how often do you meet cats like that? So much stuffs to do , and i kinda cleaned one part of my room so at least ive achieved one of my goals haha

Anti bullying campaign advert

2010-06-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

But at the end of the day the day they were the ones who had the last laugh.

Therapy and surprises.

2010-06-11T02:36:00.000-07:00

Doodling always make me feel better, when i quralled with JS i drew this and it's still half painted hahaha.

Hope your vagina turns green.

I swear that I must tidy my room this hols. I'm still thinking if i should put up drawings/pictures on my wall or photographs.

Surprise no.1 . which kinda failed. HAHA tasted like shit.

This holiday shall not go to waste. Shall not go to waste.Shall not go to waste.Shall not go to waste.Shall not go to fucking waste.

Karate Kid

2010-06-09T10:59:00.000-07:00

Im like watching the original version of The KarateKid , whoaa some parts damn touching cnt take it. And im reverting back to my nocturnal habits Noooooo. ):

2010-06-09T10:55:00.000-07:00

You know its scary how time just ticks life away and there's nothing you can do about it, I feel that if there's one thing i should do during the holidays its to really try and kick my fucking procrastination habits. I think that i have wasted a lot of time throughout my whole life.

Hadouken!

2010-06-02T02:04:00.000-07:00

I really miss doing all this. Fucking sucks to have no music on the train/bus/ whenever i'm alone.

2 Months ago.

2010-06-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

What i wont give to get things back to how it was in the past. I hope we'll be alright soon.

I hope you still think of me, like how I still think of you
I hope i still mean something to you, like how you do to me
Beneath those angry words and flowing tears, I hope that i still mean something to you.

Fucked up.

2010-06-01T04:59:00.000-07:00

If i only i knew that things would turn out this way,
If only i hugged you a little tighter before we parted
If only i told you how important you are to me one last time before we left for the station
If only i drew another cat among all the unfinished cats
If only i could hold your hand one last time
If only i could hear your assuring voice telling me that everything is gonna be alright
Before all this shit started turning things topsy turvy
At least i would feel a slight bit better than how i'm feeling now.

Story of my life

2010-05-31T21:37:00.000-07:00

Now i've to go find my contacts lens casing and head to school, and my life still goes on.

Similar contrasts.

2010-05-31T20:23:00.001-07:00

I like colours , you like black
You like Goth metal, I like Happy catchy songs
I love meat, but you cant eat meat.
My moodswings are childish tantrums, while your moodswings makes you moody
I'm more of a dog person, while you're totally a cat person
I used to have fucking thick hair, while half your head is shaven
You like swimming, i cant swim for nuts
You love chocolate, while i think that chocolate is over-rated
You've a tad bit of OCD, I'm a messy person
I've chipped nails, and you have 2 rotten nails
I love doodling, while your stick man drawings always end up looking damn funny
You eat anything that is edible and always finish up your food, while im the picky eater.
I whine to you all the time, and you'll be the one listening
You're a left hander, while im a right
I used to be nocturnal, while you used to be an early sleeper
You love the mornings while i love the nights

History
Stationary shops and quiet bookstores
Dawn of the dead and Edward Scissorhands
Interesting Exhibitions
Photography
Long bus rides
(You know that time when we were on the bus listening to Lifehouse, you know right at the moment i really felt so damn fucking lucky to have you.)
Silence
Walking down the streets at night swinging our hands
Sunsets
Watching Big Bang theory , while you preferred How i met your mother
Talking in Retarded Voices
Just doing the simplest things and yet being happy.
Thinking of how we're gonna be like in the future
Watching a movie at least once a week

I really miss those times, the words i said yesterday i dont mean it at all, i know you wont believe me, But like ive said from the start till now all the things i've told you has been true, the things that i like, how i felt,. i've never lied to you before. Not even once. If you really do want to let go, I'm sure we'll both get over it after some time, but i really hope that you'll really believe me. And you know if being together doesnt really make you happy, then i'd rather you let go, I dont want things to be one sided no matter how bad i still want you to be by me.

_l_

2010-05-30T01:54:00.000-07:00

THIS IS ONE FUCKED UP MONTH.

2010-05-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

THIS IS THE WORST FUCKING MONTH FUCKING EVER. CHEEBEYEURGHHHH. My mind is like a clenched fist now with all the stress and the rushing of projects cant fucking wait for tomorrow to be over gonna just go straight home and be a slug and just relax. And recently I have just started watching True blood and Ugly betty. Ugly betty is major awesomeness i swear. But no matter what to me nothing beats Big Bang Theory and Skins. Whoaaaa fucking hate this clenching feeling, it kinda feels like you're gonna burst anytime . need to like fucking destress. I get all tensed and stressed up easily, and if i havent soft rebonded my hair, my hair will be frizzy x 100 along with my mood and my mind. K I'm no longer addicted to using my laptop which is a really good thing, haha my sleeping hours are already reverted back (Y) I can sleep at li,ke 11-12 plus nowww. Like finally . BYE.

Stalker alert.

2010-05-12T07:22:00.000-07:00

hi stalker you've been exposed.

--------------------------

2010-05-12T01:35:00.000-07:00

My biological clock is finally back in order haha. I'm no longer using the laptop as often as i did in the past, life's been good though, tiring but good. I'm running out of things to say, and my mind is void of thoughts nowadays also. It's kinda like blank half of the time. haha, everybody's turning 18, leaving me alone ):

Delayed 49 days

2010-04-18T12:11:00.000-07:00

So school is starting like in 5 hours time. My laptop is still at the service centre, my new ez link card which is the descendant of the old one probably floating around in the sewers hasn't been made yet, I haven't collected my passport yt. So actually I don't really know what I did this past 7 weeks, but I've sure matured a lot during this holidays. It's surprising how something that might happen in a short span of one week or even a few days makes you see things, things that you've been oblivious to , all the little things that you take for granted . Sometimes I think all I want is to just be happy that's all. But I guess just like how with great power comes great responsibility, with happiness there comes shit, and to not sound like a total pessimist when shit happens we grow up. I suppose it's like potty training? As we grow older we become better at handling stuffs that comes our way. Like how we progressed from potty bowls to toilet bowls and I think I totally sound like I'm bull shitting which i think I'm cos i can't think clearly now and I'm clearly digressing from what I meant to talk about in the first place which is how my holidays went so yeah I shall go sleep, it's the start of a whole new term tmr.

edit.

HAHAHAA i wrote this before the first day of school.

Life.

2010-03-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

Hi haha life's been pretty good nowadays, though my results arent very good but i did better then i expected haha, so yeah and i still cant sleep at night and it's gonna be 4 soon. Got a job as a telemarketer fucking sucks ahah damn boring you know this kinda made me realise that if a person is stuck with a career that they're not passionate/interested in, life would really suck so bad, like dreading work everyday, 7 hrs of getting stuck in some fucking cubicle, whoa life would really suck so bad. And i cant stand rude people like seriously, would a little courtesy kill. K im gna watch an episode of big bang theory and head to bed, k bye.

Vote to make us happy kids

2010-03-20T07:39:00.000-07:00

http://www.stomp.com.sg/maritime/video01.html

Hey can everybody please vote plsplspls , we have really put in a lot of effort to make this video, and i can say that this is the first time i've really put in so much effort in a project also and that i've ever been so satisfied with something that i've played a part , and the whole process of making this video was really tedious, from the editing to the filming, we took a total of 1.5K pics in the process and had to slowly piece everything up, i wont give 2 flying fucks about winning or asking so many people to help pull votes up if i felt that we hadn't put in any effort and dont deserve a chance of winning, but i really do think that we really do deserve a chance so i really do hope that anybody who comes by this please help us vote we're losing like crazy now, i know i sound fucking desperate now but please vote, we really do deserve this a lot, thanks.

And i know i'm gonna sound damn contradicting, even if we lose we lose with dignity knowing that we really did put in a lot of effort and no regrets i guess, and asking the public to vote is a really stupid way to gage which video is better because it kinda becomes like a competition of the grp with the fastest fingers and a matter of who has the most time and patience to sit in front of a computer, if you get my drift, so there's not much fairness, but sometimes i guess stooping to a certain level to gain what we really want isnt the way out even if it might result in victory? So yeah that's all i have to say

Round the corner of your heart

2010-03-13T13:03:00.000-08:00

An empty room
A ringing silence

The air is cold and still

Memories of the past tenant still lingers on

Numbness sets in

Engravings on the walls that are slowly fading away

As time passes
A blank and empty room is all that remains

A room that just houses tenants
Neglected and forgotten
Tucked away in that secluded corner

Once in a while a stranger creeps in
Once,twice,thrice
A presence is felt
Some parts of the coldness melts
But only time can tell how long would it last
Before it returns to how it was like in the past
Where all was left was a blank and empty room
Tucked away in that secluded corner

Golden eagle

2010-03-13T11:40:00.000-08:00

Recently i cant sleep fml., my biological clock is really screwed. So i went to borders alone today after ju and cheng left and i kinda miss spending time alone though i have to say that Sad/slow songs + train rides = not a very good combination, but fate has it that my earphones died on me, yeah, i still remember getting those earphones with Madelyn haha after a fucking epic impromptu session at Starbucks, where we got to know each a little more, by bawling our eyes out. haha yeah that's one day that i'll always remember,but now things have changed for her and i'm really really happy for her <3

Yeah. so the main thing is i have to get a pair of earphones like soon, and make my new ezlink card,and get the concession pass , but that has to wait because i still have to wait for my stud to season then i can remove it or i can sweep my fringe to the other side and live with an ugly poly ezlink card for another 2 yrs. hahah just like how i live with a fucking ugly sec school ezlink and IC all these years.

Fist bag

2010-03-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

Prime of our lives
Fucking sad, looks like you're really not fated to be mine. ):

whoa really damn sad since i rarely see bags that i like ):

Yeah and i just re-pierced my brow and today i saw my aunt and i'm really glad that she was cool with it, good to see that, haha might consider doing a double brow piercing. Yeah but i feel that i'm kinda pushing my luck, haah see how it goes then.

oh and i saw the jack neo press conference video that everybody has been talking about , damn dramatic haha, but i really do pity the wife though. Fucking cheater, cant stand cheaters.

Para-fuckedup-more, awesome but fucked.

2010-03-07T11:34:00.000-08:00

The day started with me flushing my ez-link card down the toilet bowl

Then fast forward to the concert where the thing that majorly pissed me off fucking moshers. Bloody cheebyes, who the fuck moshes to Crushcrushcrush and Ignorance. All the fucking pushing and struggling totally spoilt the first few songs because everybody who was trying to get out of the moshing didnt even concentrate on the songs that were played. And you know a few minutes before the concert i was still telling Bryan " Aiya confirm no moshers one, the people here all look pretty decent"

And when Paramore came out i was proven wrong, yeah everybody started shoving and all

K i feel kinda lazy to continue haha k just that it really was an awesome set but it's like fucking short ): And they didnt play When it rains and We are broken though, damn sad those 2 especially When it rains is like my fucking fav song, i think i would tear if they played that after waiting for so long haha, and yes the 2 pics were pics from the concert, sigh but the good thing about all the moshing ,pushing,waiting and sweating i lost 1 kilo. hmmm..... but overall it's a rather memorable day i mean after like 2-3 years of waiting they're finally here, still love their old stuffs more though, especially RIOT damn fucking gd album.

Today

2010-03-05T09:27:00.000-08:00

Chilling place of the day

Good song and a scratched Mp4

Similar phones

Map of Bangkok

Good stuffs

Hands<3

Cute drawing

An exit

Cloudless sky

Sign

Mailboxes

Unfinished drawing

Yeah that's about it , i feel like reading all of a sudden. I think i really should haha. hmm yeah nothing seems to be on my mind lately. That is a good thing i suppose, but i feel blank and empty. cheebye like a hollow vessel, yeah anyway today is a good day, and i hate my phone i always seem to press the wrong button and all. And siyu is going to Bangkok for a buying trip, while i'm stuck here with the 35 deg celsius weather ): . I have to get a job real soon too or else no $$ to do shit. Yeah that's the story of my life for now.

Brain dead.

2010-03-04T10:21:00.000-08:00

PARAMORE IS GONNA BE IN 2 DAYS TIME. FUCKYEAHHHHHHHHHHHH.

K apart from that no other plans yet. I think my laptop is slowly sucking my memory, i cant remember what i did the day before, what is the date and'll that. whoa slowly one day we might all just turn into zombies. Pro longed consequences of being exposed to some kinda radioactive waves or whatsoever, like in Cell this book by Stephen King, where one by one everybody all turned into zombies because of their cellphones. I wish i can be a cat though and laze around all day.

LAST PAPER

2010-03-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

Yeah tommorrow's gonna be my last fucking paper , fuck yeahhhhh but i still have a long night ahead of me, just needed to destress a bit. Actually i'm really prepared to have bad grades this semester, and i only have myself to blame, my laziness and procrastination and now isn't really the right time to beat myself up about how lazy i was and'll that, so yeah save it for another time,have to go study now.

keela

2010-02-28T08:12:00.000-08:00

SHAKEEELAAAAAAAA you're 18 (: , yet another person joining the 18 clan ):

hahaa anywayy happy birthdayyy uhhhhh. haha i miss your room, and having heart to heart talks with you anywayayayayayyyyyyy haha i miss seeing you roll on the grass, and those epic high nights like srsly. When our exams are over let's have a good time together man, fun times spent with you during the past few months and'll that, heart to heart talks, making up slutty, dirty songs HAHA, talking abt sluts a sudden random thought of you calling a certain sombodeeh a slut then taking a pic with her brings a smile to my face, whoaa you know i really miss your bedroom a lot! especially your kingsized bed and your fan whoa really damn shiok like srsly , you know i've nver slept that well when i'm in somebody's house before! OH and not to mention you're the first person i've had a paranormal experience with whoa another epic night.

I love your smile, i love your hugs, i love your hand massages, i love that you nearly practially have a nail palour in your drawer, i love how your 2 horny cats meow at night, haha okay i love you a lot , but no 18 jokes already okayyyyy after such a sweet post i've dedicated to you.
HAHAHA <3<3

2010-02-26T07:16:00.000-08:00

Looks like rainbow sprinkles ): sigh have to fucking start studying ah fuck, motivation please come to me. Nice shade of blue though. haha

2010-02-21T09:55:00.000-08:00

No one has to hear, the sound of people laughing at their fears
And the ocean and sun are always there, to make you happy if you're feeling scared of the darkness.

If I ever saw a ghost it'd change the way I think. I wouldn't gasp for air if ever I did sink.
I wouldn't struggle, I'd just let it all out fast, and then start living in the past.
If we hold the hand that rapes/raise the hand, and everyone can feel the hand, and nothing's gonna change.
It could be the time we're living in, we'll never feel so safe again,
but love always remains .

Talking about the past , is it possible to get an old school Nintendo game boy pocket fixed, really feeel like playing old school pokemon.):

2010-02-20T02:54:00.000-08:00

Fucking cute .

Studies.

2010-02-18T04:22:00.000-08:00

No mood to study at all. Ah economics. fuck you. Though on the bright side it's only 5 topics. And i've 6 days left, that isn't too bad ( hopefully) . But i've another paper that i really don't know anything about uhhhh. I think one of these days i'm gonna try going to study at starbucks alone at night , i saw some people there studying alone while i was chilling there that day, and it looks kinda nice to just study there. Ah k i think i better go download the notes for my econs.

k the website is under maintenance now. Not my fault. haha . k i dont really have anything to ramble about, so yeah, i'd go back to tumblr to look at pics.

Mad as a Hatter

2010-02-18T01:46:00.000-08:00

AHHHH come to me soon k <3<3<3

Moments where your heart speaks more then your mouth.

2010-02-16T12:18:00.000-08:00

The words that linger by your mouth
And get swallowed down

The thoughts that yearn to escape
But are trapped by your memories

The littlest things
That seemed so insignificant, yet so significant

The mental images that gets played repeatedly in your head
Just like a broken tape recorder

The heart that weeps silently
As the lips curve up to hide the hurt inside

The tears that leak
Away from prying eyes

When there are more to songs
Then merely a mixture of words and rhythms

Unsaid, untold.
All in the back of your head
The things you never say

I swear im nt fucking emotional or crying or what just needed to release something out a few days ago while i was thinking about stuffs, but i guess this is a feeling that everybody gets in their lives at some point or other and would be able to relate to it. I'm okay really. And it isn't really something that i'm feeling right now, but yeah just suddenly had the urge to write something like that. yeah. And i'm nt crying in the dark or what, it's just words you know the usual power of making somethine dramatized.

White lines red lights

2010-02-15T00:03:00.000-08:00

Must fucking start start to take care of my body Fml yesterday was damn fucking scary, i nearly fainted on the train, cheebye and i don't have low blood pressure or what. Yeahh but yesterday was a good day hahah update more later

500 days of summer.

2010-02-11T09:05:00.000-08:00

“Tom meets Summer on January 8th. He knows almost immediately she’s who he’s been searching for. This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story."

So damn true, it's one of the emotions that people rarely talk about.

2010-02-10T07:15:00.000-08:00

Mad is beside me now. All the fucking work we've to do. fucking tired.

And my whole house is fuckin sandy now. fuck fuck fuck. fuck tomorrow.

Waste of paint

2010-02-08T10:46:00.001-08:00

I have a friend
He is mostly made of pain
And he wakes up, drives to work,and then straight back home again

He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper
I thought it was beautiful
I put it on a record cover.
And I tried to tell him he had a senseof color and composition so magnificent
And he said "Thank you, please but your flattery is truly not becoming me
Your eyes are poor.
You're blind.
You see,no beauty could have come from me.
I'm a wasteof breath
of space
of time

I knew a woman, she was dignified and true.
And her love for her man was one of her many virtues.
Until one day, she found out that he had lied and she decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie
But she was grateful for everything that had happened.
And she was anxious for all that would come next.
But then she wept.
What did you expect?
In that big, old housewith the cars she kept.
"And such is life," she often said.
With one day leading to the next,you get a little closer to your death
Which was fine with her.
She never got upset and with all the days she may have left
She would never clean another mess or fold his shirts or look her best.
She was free
to
waste
away
alone.

The last few months
I have been living with this couple.
Yeah, you know, the kind who buy everything in doubles.
They fit together, like a puzzle.
And I love their love
And I am thankful that someone actually receives the prize that was promised by all those fairy tales that drugged us.
And they still do me.
I'm sick, lonely,no laurel tree,just green envy.
Will my number come up eventually?
Like Love's some kind of lottery,where you scratch and see what's underneath.
It's "Sorry",
Just one cherry
or
"Play Again."Get lucky.

So now I park my car down by the cathedral
Where the floodlights point up at the steeples.
Choir practice was filling up with people.
I hear the sound escaping as an echo.
Sloping off the ceiling at an angle.
When the voices blend they sound like angels.
I hope there’s some room still in the middle.
But when I lift my voice up now to reach them.
The range is too high,way up in heaven.
So I hold my tongue, forget the song,
Tie my shoes start walking off.
And try to just keep moving on
With my broken heart and my absent God
And I have no faith
But it's all I want
To be loved, and believe,in my soul.
In my soul.

Actually i meant to just post a paragraph or two not the whole chunk ( there's still more) , but whoa his lyrics're so fucking good, And beautiful. You'll shld try googling his lyrics for "no lies just love" Fucking fucking beautiful.

Though i've to really conclude that too much bright eyes is bad for you, because there's a bit too much sadness,but somehow to me beneath the sadness it comes with a truth. Well kinda like the "negative truth" if you get what i mean. haha and the words and'll are rather thought evoking, like it's not a song that makes you tear, makes you feel sorry for yourself but it kinda sets your mind thinking, about well life? The sadness in the lyrics is like the "constructive" kinda sadness as compared to the kinda sadness that makes you wallow in self pity blahblah that kinda thing.

For me, usually i'll try my best to shun all things sad, sad movies, sad songs, it's just that there's nothing i can do with the sadness, so why not just push it to the back of my head or something. And i feel that there's enough sadness in me, that i don't need anymore of it, though at times feeling sadness, lonliness there's really no way to avoid it, we just have to face up to ourselves one day.

Well , i don't think everybody will get what i mean because it's kinda like a perception kinda thing, and it's really one of those moments where only you yourself would really understand how it feels like.

and it's 4Am now and i don't feel like sleeping nor going to school later on.

You cry a tear to start a river.

2010-02-08T09:43:00.000-08:00

Zhong guo guo huo chao shi. Mai siao siao okay.

So you head on down
To the bottom near the river
Just to wash away
All the pain of today and yesterday
And you try so hard
To wash away the spots
But your tears
Don't seem to do enough
It's just too much
Well, darling grab a hand
We promise not to let you stand alone

So you look into the water
And there you are
Just the way you left yourself
All alone
But lift your head
And look across the water
Cause there you'll see
All of us together singing
Darling grab a hand
We promise not to let you stand alone

Ahh that's so sweeet. I'm a sucker for sweet stuffs.

2010-02-07T02:31:00.000-08:00

I like being alone
No i'm not emo
I just like being alone
At times
It's good to be alone
Sometimes.
But it sucks feeling lonely
And empty.
Because deep inside you're all alone.
Because there are just some things that others won't understand.

Night of orgasmic faces

2010-02-06T12:21:00.000-08:00

Yet another memorable epic night

Felt O: & ): & :) & >;) <3

Fucking looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow.

Word of the day

2010-02-05T11:09:00.000-08:00

Fubar = Fucked Up Beyond Any Repair

Sometimes i feel this way about this world.

Tired x 9273621736912763

2010-02-04T09:45:00.000-08:00

This pair of shoes brings back memories, i got it the day before i got my O level results, while i was at a class chalet. It finally fell apart on yet another epic night quite some time ago which i can't remember what happened , where after that night it was totally unwearable. Of everything that i owe, i get emotionally attached to my shoes very easily, especially my sneakers, it's like you know they've taken me to places ( literally) and'll that kinda crap, this sounds really stupid, but like what i feel is that even with the same pair of shoes the feeling won't be the same anymore that kinda thing. haha

and yeah sneakers are like the most comfortable footwear ever, even better then slippers. Okay i don't even know why i'm talking about this, but yeah i guess i just had to say what i felt while i was editing this picture.

Yeah and just like that pair of shoes, with time everytime that was built up was torn down, built up again, changes, alterations, a different path taken, a different road, colours fade, with friction the soles gets worn out, from little patched lines to a smooth grey surface, pressure and stress, ah i don't even know what i'm rambling about already, k gdnight.

On the brightside no school tomorrow (: x 92e68263, can finally get to fucking sleep peacefully.

Defying gravity

2010-02-01T08:51:00.000-08:00

You can fake a smile in front of everyone
Tell everybody that you're okay
Tell yourself to just fuck it
Try and run away from everything
But at the end of the day
It's you yourself that you can't hide from
Your thoughts, your feelings, random bouts of nothingness, zoning out
It's just a cycle.
Everything.

Put a ring on it

2010-01-30T10:54:00.000-08:00

I've a thing for skull rings reminds me of the one i lost, though all these're much chioer

I'm a big sucker for rings, but i always have a tendency to misplace my rings, and i've sensitive skin, so everytime when i wear my rings for a period of time, and there's sweat my fingers will start to itch, which suck ass. Same goes for wearing watches.

But nothing beat hair accessories. Especially head bands. Been long since i last bought a ring, or a headband.

Sigh, next week must hardcore save $$, might be braiding my hair in 2 wks time.

T.G.I.F tomorrow

2010-01-28T07:06:00.000-08:00

So fucking fast another week is over, this sem suck ballzx damn boring, kena so many attendance warnings, fucking no motivation go school, must really fucking buck up all the exams and projects all coming alr, sigh.

Hope that tomorrow will be a good fucking epic day/night that won't disappoint. Cos this week kinda suck.

Waver.

2010-01-26T10:32:00.000-08:00

Wow i've just been going through my old posts and i realise i sound so much happier last time, and i kinda sound like a kid, i guess i'm really getting older and older , and pretty soon i'll be like an old wrinkled prune )':

And i look through my old posts and some stuffs i've said i'd be thinking 'whattttt that sounds so stupid why'd i even say that in the first place?' haha for all i know later on in June when i look back i'd be repeating the same thing to myself, about this post hah.

Staring up into the solar system
All the stars are fixed up in the sky
I just want to sparkle for a moment
Before I just fizzle out and die

I'm happy because I'm stupid
Scared of spiders, scared of flying
If I wasn't so happy
I wouldn't be so scared of dying.

Heavy eyelids.

2010-01-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

I've a fucking econs paper that i've yet to study for, i can't seem to concentrate, i realise everytime i feel like i've something to say or what i'd always end up here haha ( this is a rather DUH statement haha ). No fucking mood to study , i just feel like sleeping my whole day away. And the next day i'll just end up looking like that haha. Fuck i look old in this pic fml. whoa can something GMH-ish happen in my life. haha k kidding, i love my life now, kinda, i guess. I'm not so sure too.

( i got the inspiration/mood to post this after coming across bryan's blog)

One of my best friends. The little sister i never had. My neighbour. The girl with weird metaphors. A part of my life. Even though it hurts to see you sad, to see you say that you can't stop your water works over our conversations, but i won't ask you to stop crying or whatever, because you just have to let everything out, or else it'll drive you nuts, and only when you let all your sadness out then can happiness come about alright, as cheesy as it sounds it's true, i think only when you've truly let all your emotions out, then you'd truly start to let go bit by bit. Maybe it'll take you a month, maybe it'd take you 6 months, but one day when you've already moved on and look back you'd realise how silly you've been, but just like what Bryan said it's really the experience gained that makes you know more about yourself ,what makes your heart tick and'll . The experience gained where at the end of the day when you look back you find it'll worthwhile, because even though you might/might not have gotten what your heart truly desire, but it's the process that really counts, you smiling to yourself over the smallest things, crying over the smallest things,it's really all these that makes liking a person painful, fufilling and more importantly it makes life well , life? And at least it's better to have somebody on your mind then feel empty, trust me. haha. Whoa now that i think of it the 3 of us like really quite suay in these kinda stuffs uh, i don't really know for bryan's case, but for us , i doubt we'd regret anything for now, because i guess sometimes it's just right for life to fuck us up, because our lives weren't made to be perfect in the first place. I mean without sadness we won't know what's happiness right? ( Sounds cheesy also , but this is really true also if you think about it, because if you haven't experienced something you won't know what you've missed in the first place) .

whoa i sound like one experienced pro, but i step one pro only, haah this is what i've truly gotta say to you from the bottom of my heartzxzx , ahha anti climax ending, because usually these kinda posts always ends with some cheesy, corny endings that will make you go awww, or in some cases make your gag reflexes kick in, but i guai lan leh hahah, whoa fuck my eyelids really like closing alr FML my econs is screwedzxzx. Actually i don't need some corny, cheesy ending, because i think you know i'd always be by your side when you need a ear, shoulder, piggy back rides, and maybe for a price of $50,000 bucks i'll consider going to Korea to catch a cute straight guy back for you throw in another $50,000 bucks and you've got a deal, lurrbzx you okgayzx<3

2 years ago.

2010-01-24T08:36:00.000-08:00

I don't miss secondary school, maybe the company, the people, but poly is way awesomer then secondary school. Freedom ftw. heh try and spot me. And this class pic is like the most decent one of all the class pics taken from sec 1-4, whoa the past 3 years i look like one kuku bird, fucking ugly to the max, no kidding. Maybe one day when i'm in the mood i should do a post like that. haha but till then ... haha yeah , sigh have to go to school yay. sh0zxzx happy, have to wake up at 8 in the morning, yay to mornings <3

braidzzx

2010-01-22T11:17:00.000-08:00

i think 'm gonna get like 3 to 4 permenant braidzzx either in feb or march, but i'm still considering because i did some research and apparently it causes hair loss becaus eo fthe pressure on the scalp and'll that , so i'm still thinking if i should do it, but i really like it a lot, and it's actually kinda special. like not many people in Singapore has something like that. But i'm gonna do soft rebonding first haha that's like the most important thing haha. But yeah i'm kinda looking forward to it, but i wonder if i can still wear my hair accessories.

nice labret

Ah sorry can't help it she's so fucking pretty, and i love her hair too. But ahhh if i'm a guy i would so totally go for a girl like her, fuck man if she gets any prettier i'm gna jizz in my pants. k kiding, but i really can't help looking at her, she's like a doll, damn fucking sweet looking, i know i can't stop raving on and on about her, but she's just so sweet looking that i can't help it. i think i'd rather look at her then at any guys on www.fuckyeahindieboys.tumblr.com and that's really saying something. Because she's just so fucking pretty to me. dang i sound like one fucking lesbo now.

A Mad world.

2010-01-21T09:23:00.000-08:00

For you, the girl from 302. The girl who got abducted by aliens and somehow ended up here <3

Confession #1

2010-01-18T08:59:00.000-08:00

I use the computer to tire myself out, so that i'd be able to sleep at night.

Emily.

2010-01-17T00:57:00.000-08:00

Pretty. I like sweet girls.I wouldn't mind turning lesbian for her. There's just something about her that i really like. And not to mention she looks like a doll.

Through your head.

2010-01-14T06:17:00.000-08:00

The thoughts that keep you awake at night are also the thoughts that send you to sleep. Can't wait for school to be over tomorrowzxzx then it's chilling time<3<3

Bricks and walls.

2010-01-13T08:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes don't you wish you can just sleep your life away, and just remain in your dreams where everything seems so much better. Haha damnzzzz, fuck why do projects and tests tend to come all at once, like system overload man. Hearing my dad snore in the room makes me feel sleepy, but i can't sleep , and recently it's damn annoying i just can't seem to sleep. i just lie in bed tossing and turning, with thoughts running through my head, only to fall asleep like an hour later, that's why i use my laptop to tire myself out. sucks

Fuck i don't know what to say, like i like to keep things to myself , i just feel safer with my thoughts surrounding me, living in my own little bubble like i don't like people just to come into my life just like that, ( maybe it's my fear of getting hurt or what i know it sounds stupid, maybe it's just part of my character idk??) that's why i don't open up to people easily ( unless i feel like i can click with them well or something) and just show my emotions , how i feel and'll, which is kinda bad i know, haha that's why i don't really like hanging around in big groups because i just get kinda awkward and not really know what to say, unless it's people i keep hanging around with for a couple of times. But slowly i can feel that i'm starting to change, not by leaps and bounds but the slightest bit, bit by bit, brick by boring brick ( haha k random). Actually i kinda feel that the changes were brought about by the people whom i hang around often with like cheng2, mad etcetc, actually it kinda puzzles me at times how we can click so well when actually we're all of different characters, different tastes, interests ( like all our preferences and'll really differs by quite abit) , as somebody who rightfully puts it ( i forgot whether it's Ju or mad ) , we might all be different but we're on the same frequency, and actually it's just this connection there , maybe it took some time for me to open up to them initially, but once i did, it's just kinda amazing how somebody who's so different with you can really be best friends with you , despite of the differences. And there's just something about being with somebody who is different from you as compared to somebody who's similar to you , they tend to bring out a side of you that you don't really know existed, or that you rarely show to others.

And actually something that i've kinda realised , is that sometimes it's really worth it to tear down the walls you've built just to let somebody in. I think it just kinda happens naturally over time spent with somebody where you slowly start to open up and'll that. haha i realise that this kinda sounds like a "late reflection of 2009" post but it's not i just don't really believe in this kinda stuffs because everything just feels that same, only that i've to change the date to 2010, and the fact that i'm turning eighteen this year is bothering me a bit ha but who cares i'm less then 17 years and 1 month old ( hahah self denial), yeah so i feel so much better typing this and i've to get back to my dreamweaver project aha just gotta let something out. And i don't believe in resolutions too , i mean if you wanna change so badly why not just start changing now, i mean a date is just numbers. anyway. CCB tmr will suck. sigh )':

sleep deprivation ahead.

2010-01-12T11:41:00.000-08:00

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This 3 days will totally suck monkey balls. 3 projects and 1 paper crammed together. fuck.fuck.fuck.

Skins.

2010-01-10T10:32:00.000-08:00

Madame Deluca ( the art teacher ) : And what emotion have you chosen to depict?
Effy Stonem: Anger, Jealousy, Bitterness, Tiredness, Hope, Lust, Love.
Madame Deluca: A veritable feast. So where is it?
Effy Stonem: It’s everywhere.
Madame Deluca: My dear girl, I’m not sure I understand.
Effy Stonem: Its conceptual. You just can’t see it.
Madame Deluca: Your saying you haven’t done it?
Effy Stonem: No I’m saying you can't see it

I think i'm gonna rewatch everything during the next hols.Fucking awesome show, hope some kind soul would load season 4 on youtube.

The courteeners

2010-01-09T13:27:00.000-08:00

Shit my eyes suddenly damn itchy and it's damn fucking swollen now, hope i don't kena eye infection or what, if kena also kena one eye, if both eyes = wear specs to sch = FML x infinity.
haha i fucking look like one fucktard in specs. Ah here's another one by the courteeners <3 Ah i think my love for photoshop has just increased hah. Damn it's alr 6 now, fuck why does time pass so fast when you're on the internet.

Scream your heart out.

2010-01-09T11:36:00.000-08:00

Lost prophets - rooftop

One of my fav songs when i was in sec 2, good song though. Whoa i realise that adding lyrics to pics is like damn addictive and it injects life into a boring old pic that i would usually delete off my camera. And fuck i should really start on my adobe flash and dreamweaver, i think i just got myself a new way to kill time. Makes me feel liks starting a tumblr.

Hear the sighs of despair, lingering in the air

2010-01-09T09:00:00.000-08:00

*haha it's glow not slow, kinda looks like slow cos of the font

Whoa is this like a fucking all-time-low period or what for everybodeeh , Bad start to the year. sihafolnkjldcbdjdfn. No mood to do any shit at all . FML.FOL.FYL. angstyx10. ahha the random ramblings of random nothings is like becoming a habit already, quite annoying i think, but i kinda like it haha improves my grasp of words i think.

i think i use "i think" too much