Just in case you're wondering, I'll be here
www.mentalreverie.blogspot.com
Friday, April 13, 2012
Friday, October 21, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Hi.Hello.Hey.
Time check 3.15AM. My brain is rapidly processing/churning out thoughts about what I've to say. What do I have to say? A lot actually.
So I guess I'll stick to reflecting on how things have been going for me. We are already 3/4 through the year. It's amazing how fast life progresses whenever you are busy. Now that I finally have more free time on my hands,I feel so restless. I annoy myself to no end sometimes. I feel the constant need and urge to be doing something,but when I start to push/force myself everything just backfires. I suppose I'm just so afraid of feeling stagnent,I never ever want to be stuck in that rut again.
Anyway, this year has been nothing short of amazing for me. It is a year full of progress and changes. I like to have change in my life, I can't stand being stuck in an environment or doing the same things repeatedly. Mindless routines really smother me. I've really made a lot of progress, be it as an indiviual or as a '__________'
I've yet to find a label for myself.
An artist? Nah sounds too prim and proper
A doodler? Nah Doesn't really have a nice ring to it
A free spirited human bean sounds pretty good though, but I haven't been that free-spirited for the past few weeks, but things are better now. I've just got to find ways to liberate my mind and find my moment of Zen. ohmmmmmmmmm.
On the upside I've realised that I've relatively good emotional control, I don't easily show my emotions/thoughts to others, which is a pretty good thing, except to JS, when it comes to expressing my emotions it is just so easy to tell him everything and how I feel. I'm indeed extremely lucky to have a lover like this.
I have also realised that the older I get, the more I crave for silence and solitude. But of course just like everything in life it is necessary to strike a balance. Excessive noise seriously irks me to no end. I'm actually happy being who I am now, no doubt there will always be those moments of negativity and self doubt, but at least i'm loads happier with who I am now as compared to the past.
I like keeping to myself and I'm happy being that way. I've always thought that there's a certain social stigma associated with being quiet, that's just silly. There's nothing wrong with keeping my mouth shut when I've nothing to say.
Time check 3.15AM. My brain is rapidly processing/churning out thoughts about what I've to say. What do I have to say? A lot actually.
So I guess I'll stick to reflecting on how things have been going for me. We are already 3/4 through the year. It's amazing how fast life progresses whenever you are busy. Now that I finally have more free time on my hands,I feel so restless. I annoy myself to no end sometimes. I feel the constant need and urge to be doing something,but when I start to push/force myself everything just backfires. I suppose I'm just so afraid of feeling stagnent,I never ever want to be stuck in that rut again.
Anyway, this year has been nothing short of amazing for me. It is a year full of progress and changes. I like to have change in my life, I can't stand being stuck in an environment or doing the same things repeatedly. Mindless routines really smother me. I've really made a lot of progress, be it as an indiviual or as a '__________'
I've yet to find a label for myself.
An artist? Nah sounds too prim and proper
A doodler? Nah Doesn't really have a nice ring to it
A free spirited human bean sounds pretty good though, but I haven't been that free-spirited for the past few weeks, but things are better now. I've just got to find ways to liberate my mind and find my moment of Zen. ohmmmmmmmmm.
On the upside I've realised that I've relatively good emotional control, I don't easily show my emotions/thoughts to others, which is a pretty good thing, except to JS, when it comes to expressing my emotions it is just so easy to tell him everything and how I feel. I'm indeed extremely lucky to have a lover like this.
I have also realised that the older I get, the more I crave for silence and solitude. But of course just like everything in life it is necessary to strike a balance. Excessive noise seriously irks me to no end. I'm actually happy being who I am now, no doubt there will always be those moments of negativity and self doubt, but at least i'm loads happier with who I am now as compared to the past.
I like keeping to myself and I'm happy being that way. I've always thought that there's a certain social stigma associated with being quiet, that's just silly. There's nothing wrong with keeping my mouth shut when I've nothing to say.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Reports are worse than maths.
Everytime I've to write a report,I die a little deep inside.
Reports,dozens of pages filled with long-winded redundant information that nobody ( or at least 99%) will give two flying fucks about. Damn it, just summarize everything in less than 5 pages and get on with life. There's so much more things out there to do than to sit down and write a damn report. I pity the trees that were butchered just for the sake of being part of a fucking report that nobody bothers to read.
I do not see the point in having so many pages in a report. NOBODY bothers to read it word-for-word, our eyes just skim though the information. Can't we just draw a picture, tabulate a chart and save these trees (and my time).
Writing reports are like a mental torture for me, I can feel the my brain cells being fried one by one. The free-spirited spirit (hurhur) in me screaming in agony, my chest tightening as I struggle to even understand what is going on. Reports are the best way to kill creativity.
I can't even begin to describe how much i abhor writing reports. Plus, you know what is the icing on the cake? Having to write a report on something that is totally redundant and not beneficial to me AT ALL.
Yeah actually that is the main point. Doing redundant things. That is one thing I absolutely hate doing. It's pathetic, I've spent 3 years writing so much redundant information just in exchange for a piece of paper ( a.k.a My Diploma)
I'd rather film for 24 hours straight and photoshop 50 posters than to do a fucking report. I'm not exaggerating that's how much I hate writing these kind of corporate-ish reports.
Sometimes I question myself, Would I have still chosen this course if I were to have a second choice. Frankly speaking, I've no idea. Taking my friends and classmates out of the picture, there's nothing much that i've gained from this course.However, I would give credit when credit is due, and I've got to say that doing so much of what i hate has really made me realise how important it is to do something that I really love in the future.
The second thing that I'm really thankful for it's that through a lecturer I got to know about Tisch. I've been really thankful for that opportunity. Really fucking thankful. Things have changed so much for me ever since. I've really learnt so much there, not just knowledge about films but also life lessons. I can safely say that I've learnt much more there in the 3 months as compared to 2 years in school.
As much as I'm ranting now, i'm still extremely thankful for what I have now. Though on the downside, this course pretty much suck stinky moldy balls.But at least I've got awesome classmates and at a couple of lecturers that have helped me out quite a bit and for that I'm really grateful.
Reports,dozens of pages filled with long-winded redundant information that nobody ( or at least 99%) will give two flying fucks about. Damn it, just summarize everything in less than 5 pages and get on with life. There's so much more things out there to do than to sit down and write a damn report. I pity the trees that were butchered just for the sake of being part of a fucking report that nobody bothers to read.
I do not see the point in having so many pages in a report. NOBODY bothers to read it word-for-word, our eyes just skim though the information. Can't we just draw a picture, tabulate a chart and save these trees (and my time).
Writing reports are like a mental torture for me, I can feel the my brain cells being fried one by one. The free-spirited spirit (hurhur) in me screaming in agony, my chest tightening as I struggle to even understand what is going on. Reports are the best way to kill creativity.
I can't even begin to describe how much i abhor writing reports. Plus, you know what is the icing on the cake? Having to write a report on something that is totally redundant and not beneficial to me AT ALL.
Yeah actually that is the main point. Doing redundant things. That is one thing I absolutely hate doing. It's pathetic, I've spent 3 years writing so much redundant information just in exchange for a piece of paper ( a.k.a My Diploma)
I'd rather film for 24 hours straight and photoshop 50 posters than to do a fucking report. I'm not exaggerating that's how much I hate writing these kind of corporate-ish reports.
Sometimes I question myself, Would I have still chosen this course if I were to have a second choice. Frankly speaking, I've no idea. Taking my friends and classmates out of the picture, there's nothing much that i've gained from this course.However, I would give credit when credit is due, and I've got to say that doing so much of what i hate has really made me realise how important it is to do something that I really love in the future.
The second thing that I'm really thankful for it's that through a lecturer I got to know about Tisch. I've been really thankful for that opportunity. Really fucking thankful. Things have changed so much for me ever since. I've really learnt so much there, not just knowledge about films but also life lessons. I can safely say that I've learnt much more there in the 3 months as compared to 2 years in school.
As much as I'm ranting now, i'm still extremely thankful for what I have now. Though on the downside, this course pretty much suck stinky moldy balls.But at least I've got awesome classmates and at a couple of lecturers that have helped me out quite a bit and for that I'm really grateful.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Silence
I like being quiet. I don't see the point in talking so much when I've nothing better to say. I like being quiet. That's me. I love the silence. I love the solitude. I love the ringing in my ears when things get too quiet.I love the stillness of the night.I love immersing myself in my own thoughts. My own fleeting thoughts. I love the dead of the night, when ironically it is the only part of the day when I feel the most alive. I love the musky scent of the night air. The night is when I close my eyes, and feel that anything is possible. Anything. A zombie apocalypse ( still believe that it might still happen someday, zombies > Aliens any day ),attending Cannes, anything you name it.
The darkness does not scare me. Apart from the fact that I can't see shit ( I've mild night blindness). It is up to us to search for the meaning of our existence. I can confidently say that I've found what I wanted to do after 18 years. The passion burns in the deepest pits of my heart. I've never felt so alive. These days I'm probably running on passion alone ( and the occasional cussing and swearing). Passion to override the exhaustion of the late nights. Passion to ease the burden of juggling several projects at once.
Passion it is a wonderful wonderful thing/chemical(?). It awakens up a part of you that you never knew existed. It is like passion is the fuel that revs us up, like the surge of nicotine to a seasoned smoker,like the gush of blood bulleting down South to a testosterone filled youth who discovered Jizzhut for the first time.
If there's no passion, there won't even be love in the first place.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
School is reopening in 2 weeks, and it feels so surreal that i'm going to be in my final year. My future scares me, I really can't see anything ahead at all.I know what I want to do, I know my dreams, I just don't know how to get there.
Recently, I've been accepted into a 2 month long future film workshop in TISCH School of the Arts. When I got there I was flabbergasted seriously. The facilities, the teachers, the students it is seriously an eyeopener.
The facilities are seriously A++++ with a shiny golden star to add on to that. Well firstly,there are yoga mats provided for students to sleep and some students were even having a quick shut-eye on the leather couches. I know lying on the couches to sleep is nothing much haha but providing yoga mats for the students to sleep that's damn brilliant!
Secondly, there are iMacs everywhere!!!There are iMacs at the lounging area for the students to entertain themselves with. Even at the service counter,the opening and closing hours are displayed on an iMac. I'm not being a mountain tortoise, but seriously, the amount of iMacs there are astounding.
I really love the environment there though, it is really relaxing. But I think their workload should be crazy though that's why it is important to have a conducive environment. The teachers are really friendly, I saw Randy Jackson's doppleganger. Everybody there is so friendly, almost 90% of the students I've encountered smiles at you. LIKE WOWWWW. HAHA OK FUCK I REALLY DO SOUND LIKE A MOUNTAIN TORTOISE. BUT SERIOUSLY. I can safely say this is the first time i've encountered people who are so friendly. Usually when you're outside and a stranger smiles at you it's usually under these circumstances
1)Salesperson
2) Salesperson
3) Salesperson
4) Genuinely friendly person
You get what I mean right? Actually I realise that Singaporeans ( including me ) have this mentality usually when a stranger smiles at them in their minds they'll be like " Siao ah, why is that person smiling at me" Hahaha quite funny actually when you think about it. It's not that we are unfriendly/arrogant, it's just that we like minding our business. Singaporeans lead a hectic lifestyle there is no doubt about that, it is hard to slow down and take a breather with such a fast pace of life.
Anyway I digress, TISCH is a really liberal school. I guess this stems from the fact that it is originally from New York. Me and my friends saw brochures about tips on safe gay,lesbian and bisexual sex lying around. It was pretty fun to read though.
Fun Fact: New York University's Health centre offers free condoms in the choices of lubricated/non-lubricated to their students, they also offer free lubricants ( in the choices of silicon based/water based) too.
But I wonder will anybody go and redeem these "freebies". Imagine this scenario
Mood: Awkward
Boy: Hi may I have a free condom please? * Insert Accent :__Brit Accent___*
Nurse: Oh would you like them lubricated or non-lubricated?
Boy: Erm...lubricated please
- Awkward Silence as Nurse rummages drawer
And well the awkwardness just continues.....
Maybe it's just me, feeling the awkwardness.I'm wondering in such a scenario would Singaporeans choose awkwardness or would they rather buy their own protection?
Why does this post feel so awkward........ I blame it on the fact that i've not been blogging for 4 months. My minds are clogged full of thought feels good to be penning my thoughts down again.
Anyway it's 5 now , really need some sleep damn badly so byeee.
Recently, I've been accepted into a 2 month long future film workshop in TISCH School of the Arts. When I got there I was flabbergasted seriously. The facilities, the teachers, the students it is seriously an eyeopener.
The facilities are seriously A++++ with a shiny golden star to add on to that. Well firstly,there are yoga mats provided for students to sleep and some students were even having a quick shut-eye on the leather couches. I know lying on the couches to sleep is nothing much haha but providing yoga mats for the students to sleep that's damn brilliant!
Secondly, there are iMacs everywhere!!!There are iMacs at the lounging area for the students to entertain themselves with. Even at the service counter,the opening and closing hours are displayed on an iMac. I'm not being a mountain tortoise, but seriously, the amount of iMacs there are astounding.
I really love the environment there though, it is really relaxing. But I think their workload should be crazy though that's why it is important to have a conducive environment. The teachers are really friendly, I saw Randy Jackson's doppleganger. Everybody there is so friendly, almost 90% of the students I've encountered smiles at you. LIKE WOWWWW. HAHA OK FUCK I REALLY DO SOUND LIKE A MOUNTAIN TORTOISE. BUT SERIOUSLY. I can safely say this is the first time i've encountered people who are so friendly. Usually when you're outside and a stranger smiles at you it's usually under these circumstances
1)Salesperson
2) Salesperson
3) Salesperson
4) Genuinely friendly person
You get what I mean right? Actually I realise that Singaporeans ( including me ) have this mentality usually when a stranger smiles at them in their minds they'll be like " Siao ah, why is that person smiling at me" Hahaha quite funny actually when you think about it. It's not that we are unfriendly/arrogant, it's just that we like minding our business. Singaporeans lead a hectic lifestyle there is no doubt about that, it is hard to slow down and take a breather with such a fast pace of life.
Anyway I digress, TISCH is a really liberal school. I guess this stems from the fact that it is originally from New York. Me and my friends saw brochures about tips on safe gay,lesbian and bisexual sex lying around. It was pretty fun to read though.
Fun Fact: New York University's Health centre offers free condoms in the choices of lubricated/non-lubricated to their students, they also offer free lubricants ( in the choices of silicon based/water based) too.
But I wonder will anybody go and redeem these "freebies". Imagine this scenario
Mood: Awkward
Boy: Hi may I have a free condom please? * Insert Accent :__Brit Accent___*
Nurse: Oh would you like them lubricated or non-lubricated?
Boy: Erm...lubricated please
- Awkward Silence as Nurse rummages drawer
And well the awkwardness just continues.....
Maybe it's just me, feeling the awkwardness.I'm wondering in such a scenario would Singaporeans choose awkwardness or would they rather buy their own protection?
Why does this post feel so awkward........ I blame it on the fact that i've not been blogging for 4 months. My minds are clogged full of thought feels good to be penning my thoughts down again.
Anyway it's 5 now , really need some sleep damn badly so byeee.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Revived
Sometimes, in life the only person whom you can rely on is yourself. Expectations brings about disappointment.That's why sometimes don't expect too much from others, but do have sky high expectations for yourselves.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
If all the thoughts in my mind could add on to my weight, i would be obese now. One week out of my precious 3 weeks has past.... i didnt do anything much, next week i'll be super busy. Left with the last week which would be filled with school work and projects. Wanna stab myself now. haha I like being busy , I want to do a stop mo video this hols, but till now i've no idea what i want to do. arghhh infuriating i swear. I've been stuck in Singapore for 7 years. NOT COOL. haha have to get the fuck out next year
Super excited for tomorrow gonna pierce my labret hhehehe, wont bother hiding this time already
Super excited for tomorrow gonna pierce my labret hhehehe, wont bother hiding this time already
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Two more days left, 3 more weeks of holidays and there 'll only be 2 more months left before i'm a 3rd year student. Time flies so fucking fast that everyday is like a rush. Especially during school hours, a rush of deadlines, a rush to get to school on time. It's only when the weekends and holidays come when the days come to a slower pace. I do enjoy going to school though, just not this semester. Got sooo much plans for the holssss exciting.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Clamped up
Fuck sometimes i just feel like shutting myself up from everybody else. Just behind my own walls away from the world. The next holidays i would want to spend more time in my room. Just cooped up at home watching shows, doodling doing all the things i love. There are not many things that I would say that I love, and those things that i do really matter a lot to me. Away from all the hectic schedules, deadlines and all that bullshit. I would really fucking like to spend some time alone.
The older i get, the more i feel that actually simplicity is in fact one of the best things that can happen to one. Sure some people might say that being simple = being boring, but when you live a simple life it's all the small little things that you find happiness in.That form of happiness in my opinion is the best kind of happiness around.
With all the mind-fuck that comes with the media nowadays we tend to overlook the fact that if we look hard enough actually happiness is in the form of bits and pieces in our life. Isn't that more of a better life than a life full of glitz and glamour, parties and all?
Sometimes when I think about life and all, it gets kinda scary. We are all like mere specks of matter in this vast universe.There's like so much more out there that has yet to be seen, yet to be learnt.
Being human is hard, you've got to deal with so much emotions, sadness, grief, anger, bitterness and the list goes on and on. It gets overwhelming at times. I wonder how much capacity does our heart have. You might be happy at once, sad moments later, happy again and filled with bitterness before you know it.
I wont say that the whole human population is fucked up that's being too pessimistic. But sometimes emotions just makes you feel so fucked up. Doubts and insecurities too.
But emotions makes us feel alive though, the awful feeling of somebody pinching your heart when you feel sadness, the euphoria that gushes through you along with your rapid pumping heart, the bitterness that lives in a deep dark corner of our heart, It makes us feel alive. Makes us feel human.
I just feel so lost at times, like i've yet to find a reason for my existence. Hahaha i know it sounds fucking dramatic. Like i feel like i'm just floating around like a dust speck, high up in the clouds when i'm happy, down when i'm sad. I just feel lost.
Maybe i've yet to find my dreams? Maybe it's our dreams that anchor us down, keeps us from feeling so down? I don't know.
Life is seriously so unpredictable at times, it's like a woman's mood swings. One moment all Psm-y and shit. The next all chirpy and jumpy.
Fuck i hate my brain.I hate thinking so much and so far out. But when I don't think so much, i find life meaningless and empty. Okay i'm just kidding i like thinking, it just gets overwhelming at times. You really don't know what would happen at the next moment.
It's like finding your way through a dark labyrinth. You never know what might spring out at you at the next moment, it might be the grim reaper it might be cupid. I guess we really dont know until it happens.
ahhh i feel much better now . life rocks. I'm kidding. This is pretty much like a ranting post. I'm contradicting myself half the time haha but on a whole life is good now though. Not awesome, but it's pretty good. Awesome on some days, blah on some. And this is like one of the rare posts that isn't sprinkled with all the hahas and hahahas that i've a habit of using wayyy too much.
The older i get, the more i feel that actually simplicity is in fact one of the best things that can happen to one. Sure some people might say that being simple = being boring, but when you live a simple life it's all the small little things that you find happiness in.That form of happiness in my opinion is the best kind of happiness around.
With all the mind-fuck that comes with the media nowadays we tend to overlook the fact that if we look hard enough actually happiness is in the form of bits and pieces in our life. Isn't that more of a better life than a life full of glitz and glamour, parties and all?
Sometimes when I think about life and all, it gets kinda scary. We are all like mere specks of matter in this vast universe.There's like so much more out there that has yet to be seen, yet to be learnt.
Being human is hard, you've got to deal with so much emotions, sadness, grief, anger, bitterness and the list goes on and on. It gets overwhelming at times. I wonder how much capacity does our heart have. You might be happy at once, sad moments later, happy again and filled with bitterness before you know it.
I wont say that the whole human population is fucked up that's being too pessimistic. But sometimes emotions just makes you feel so fucked up. Doubts and insecurities too.
But emotions makes us feel alive though, the awful feeling of somebody pinching your heart when you feel sadness, the euphoria that gushes through you along with your rapid pumping heart, the bitterness that lives in a deep dark corner of our heart, It makes us feel alive. Makes us feel human.
I just feel so lost at times, like i've yet to find a reason for my existence. Hahaha i know it sounds fucking dramatic. Like i feel like i'm just floating around like a dust speck, high up in the clouds when i'm happy, down when i'm sad. I just feel lost.
Maybe i've yet to find my dreams? Maybe it's our dreams that anchor us down, keeps us from feeling so down? I don't know.
Life is seriously so unpredictable at times, it's like a woman's mood swings. One moment all Psm-y and shit. The next all chirpy and jumpy.
Fuck i hate my brain.I hate thinking so much and so far out. But when I don't think so much, i find life meaningless and empty. Okay i'm just kidding i like thinking, it just gets overwhelming at times. You really don't know what would happen at the next moment.
It's like finding your way through a dark labyrinth. You never know what might spring out at you at the next moment, it might be the grim reaper it might be cupid. I guess we really dont know until it happens.
ahhh i feel much better now . life rocks. I'm kidding. This is pretty much like a ranting post. I'm contradicting myself half the time haha but on a whole life is good now though. Not awesome, but it's pretty good. Awesome on some days, blah on some. And this is like one of the rare posts that isn't sprinkled with all the hahas and hahahas that i've a habit of using wayyy too much.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
30 days
Okay think i'm gonna embark on a 30 days challenge. haha okay so bascially i must post up drawings, pictures whatever haha for 30 days. Any theme and all. And if the photos has been posted before, it must be edited in a different way or look different? haha okay kinda excited actually. So if there's any comments,feedback or whatsoever, feel free to leave a comment.
P.s I'm still contemplating between tumblr or blogger. Advantages of blogger, not too bad looking layout. Downside, pictures small like one ant. Upside of tumblr, BIGASS pictures. Downside, layout fucking ugly.
P.p.s K now my tumblr doesnt look so ugly anymore haha so how how how haha i think i just post both ways ah, nvm shall watch vamp diaries first and make my decision later.
P.s I'm still contemplating between tumblr or blogger. Advantages of blogger, not too bad looking layout. Downside, pictures small like one ant. Upside of tumblr, BIGASS pictures. Downside, layout fucking ugly.
P.p.s K now my tumblr doesnt look so ugly anymore haha so how how how haha i think i just post both ways ah, nvm shall watch vamp diaries first and make my decision later.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Nobody ever knows
"We visit others as a matter of social obligation. How long has it been since we have visited with ourselves?"
Morris Adler
The silence that kills, the silence that heals. Late nights they come with a price, at it's best you get silence. Blissful golden silence to escape into my own thoughts. Something that I cant get in the day. At it's worst, silence it brings your inner battles to a crescendo, ironical isn't it? The stillness of the night it brings about heightened emotions. Panic, insecurities, sadness, anger, frustration, the emotions and thoughts that you're trying to suppress with your daily activities. The things that you've always had a restraint over just comes gushing out at the dead of the night. There nothing you can do to stop it, the only remedy is sleep.
At times when I can't control my emotions, I really wish that my sleeping hours aren't so fucked up. I just wish that I can just drift off to slumber and wake up to a new day.
The next best alternative is to cry. Crying it allows our body to release endorphins. Happy hormones that calms our raging emotions down.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
So my grades turned out pretty crappy, or really crappy i should say. I cant continue on with dip plus. Pretty sad huh, O well guess i should just try and get over it then. Hopefully the next few modules are the technical ones haha then i guess im not losing out so much. I had pretty decent grades though for both scriptwriting and history of film though. Got a 3.5 for both modules, pretty surprising considering that i handed in my essay a few days late. Fuck and if im nt wrong i paid the entire fee for everything gna check with my mum tomorrow. Cbbb dont even know how to tell her FML
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)