Bricks and walls.

Sometimes don't you wish you can just sleep your life away, and just remain in your dreams where everything seems so much better. Haha damnzzzz, fuck why do projects and tests tend to come all at once, like system overload man. Hearing my dad snore in the room makes me feel sleepy, but i can't sleep , and recently it's damn annoying i just can't seem to sleep. i just lie in bed tossing and turning, with thoughts running through my head, only to fall asleep like an hour later, that's why i use my laptop to tire myself out. sucks


Fuck i don't know what to say, like i like to keep things to myself , i just feel safer with my thoughts surrounding me, living in my own little bubble like i don't like people just to come into my life just like that, ( maybe it's my fear of getting hurt or what i know it sounds stupid, maybe it's just part of my character idk??) that's why i don't open up to people easily ( unless i feel like i can click with them well or something) and just show my emotions , how i feel and'll, which is kinda bad i know, haha that's why i don't really like hanging around in big groups because i just get kinda awkward and not really know what to say, unless it's people i keep hanging around with for a couple of times. But slowly i can feel that i'm starting to change, not by leaps and bounds but the slightest bit, bit by bit, brick by boring brick ( haha k random). Actually i kinda feel that the changes were brought about by the people whom i hang around often with like cheng2, mad etcetc, actually it kinda puzzles me at times how we can click so well when actually we're all of different characters, different tastes, interests ( like all our preferences and'll really differs by quite abit) , as somebody who rightfully puts it ( i forgot whether it's Ju or mad ) , we might all be different but we're on the same frequency, and actually it's just this connection there , maybe it took some time for me to open up to them initially, but once i did, it's just kinda amazing how somebody who's so different with you can really be best friends with you , despite of the differences. And there's just something about being with somebody who is different from you as compared to somebody who's similar to you , they tend to bring out a side of you that you don't really know existed, or that you rarely show to others.


And actually something that i've kinda realised , is that sometimes it's really worth it to tear down the walls you've built just to let somebody in. I think it just kinda happens naturally over time spent with somebody where you slowly start to open up and'll that. haha i realise that this kinda sounds like a "late reflection of 2009" post but it's not i just don't really believe in this kinda stuffs because everything just feels that same, only that i've to change the date to 2010, and the fact that i'm turning eighteen this year is bothering me a bit ha but who cares i'm less then 17 years and 1 month old ( hahah self denial), yeah so i feel so much better typing this and i've to get back to my dreamweaver project aha just gotta let something out. And i don't believe in resolutions too , i mean if you wanna change so badly why not just start changing now, i mean a date is just numbers. anyway. CCB tmr will suck. sigh )':