Clamped up

Fuck sometimes i just feel like shutting myself up from everybody else. Just behind my own walls away from the world. The next holidays i would want to spend more time in my room. Just cooped up at home watching shows, doodling doing all the things i love. There are not many things that I would say that I love, and those things that i do really matter a lot to me. Away from all the hectic schedules, deadlines and all that bullshit. I would really fucking like to spend some time alone.


The older i get, the more i feel that actually simplicity is in fact one of the best things that can happen to one. Sure some people might say that being simple = being boring, but when you live a simple life it's all the small little things that you find happiness in.That form of happiness in my opinion is the best kind of happiness around.



With all the mind-fuck that comes with the media nowadays we tend to overlook the fact that if we look hard enough actually happiness is in the form of bits and pieces in our life. Isn't that more of a better life than a life full of glitz and glamour, parties and all?


Sometimes when I think about life and all, it gets kinda scary. We are all like mere specks of matter in this vast universe.There's like so much more out there that has yet to be seen, yet to be learnt.

Being human is hard, you've got to deal with so much emotions, sadness, grief, anger, bitterness and the list goes on and on. It gets overwhelming at times. I wonder how much capacity does our heart have. You might be happy at once, sad moments later, happy again and filled with bitterness before you know it.

I wont say that the whole human population is fucked up that's being too pessimistic. But sometimes emotions just makes you feel so fucked up. Doubts and insecurities too.



But emotions makes us feel alive though, the awful feeling of somebody pinching your heart when you feel sadness, the euphoria that gushes through you along with your rapid pumping heart, the bitterness that lives in a deep dark corner of our heart, It makes us feel alive. Makes us feel human.


I just feel so lost at times, like i've yet to find a reason for my existence. Hahaha i know it sounds fucking dramatic. Like i feel like i'm just floating around like a dust speck, high up in the clouds when i'm happy, down when i'm sad. I just feel lost.


Maybe i've yet to find my dreams? Maybe it's our dreams that anchor us down, keeps us from feeling so down? I don't know.


Life is seriously so unpredictable at times, it's like a woman's mood swings. One moment all Psm-y and shit. The next all chirpy and jumpy.



Fuck i hate my brain.I hate thinking so much and so far out. But when I don't think so much, i find life meaningless and empty. Okay i'm just kidding i like thinking, it just gets overwhelming at times. You really don't know what would happen at the next moment.



It's like finding your way through a dark labyrinth. You never know what might spring out at you at the next moment, it might be the grim reaper it might be cupid. I guess we really dont know until it happens.



ahhh i feel much better now . life rocks. I'm kidding. This is pretty much like a ranting post. I'm contradicting myself half the time haha but on a whole life is good now though. Not awesome, but it's pretty good. Awesome on some days, blah on some. And this is like one of the rare posts that isn't sprinkled with all the hahas and hahahas that i've a habit of using wayyy too much.