Inner battles

Hi.Hello.Hey.

Time check 3.15AM. My brain is rapidly processing/churning out thoughts about what I've to say. What do I have to say? A lot actually.

So I guess I'll stick to reflecting on how things have been going for me. We are already 3/4 through the year. It's amazing how fast life progresses whenever you are busy. Now that I finally have more free time on my hands,I feel so restless. I annoy myself to no end sometimes. I feel the constant need and urge to be doing something,but when I start to push/force myself everything just backfires. I suppose I'm just so afraid of feeling stagnent,I never ever want to be stuck in that rut again.

Anyway, this year has been nothing short of amazing for me. It is a year full of progress and changes. I like to have change in my life, I can't stand being stuck in an environment or doing the same things repeatedly. Mindless routines really smother me. I've really made a lot of progress, be it as an indiviual or as a '__________'

I've yet to find a label for myself.
An artist? Nah sounds too prim and proper
A doodler? Nah Doesn't really have a nice ring to it

A free spirited human bean sounds pretty good though, but I haven't been that free-spirited for the past few weeks, but things are better now. I've just got to find ways to liberate my mind and find my moment of Zen. ohmmmmmmmmm.

On the upside I've realised that I've relatively good emotional control, I don't easily show my emotions/thoughts to others, which is a pretty good thing, except to JS, when it comes to expressing my emotions it is just so easy to tell him everything and how I feel. I'm indeed extremely lucky to have a lover like this.

I have also realised that the older I get, the more I crave for silence and solitude. But of course just like everything in life it is necessary to strike a balance. Excessive noise seriously irks me to no end. I'm actually happy being who I am now, no doubt there will always be those moments of negativity and self doubt, but at least i'm loads happier with who I am now as compared to the past.

I like keeping to myself and I'm happy being that way. I've always thought that there's a certain social stigma associated with being quiet, that's just silly. There's nothing wrong with keeping my mouth shut when I've nothing to say.